Are Tesla’s The Gayest Cars On Earth? Yes! Here is

Why…

By Herman Cinelet

Does driving a Tesla mean that you are a homosexual? Probably, according to statistics.

Numerous news articles theorize about the likelihood that Elon Musk is a homosexual or bisexual. His best friend: Peter Thiel, is a famous homosexual and his other best friend: Larry Page, is a suspected homosexual. Indeed, the huge volume of news articles in which both Musk and Page describe their adoration for each other and the discussions of Larry Page’s private apartment for Musk cause one to cock their ear. Elon Musk famously put his big rocket engine in Larry Page’s secret, private, boy-toy warehouse next to Google. This lends credence to the theory that the Tesla elite are boy-pals.

Additionally, in the famous battle Elon Musk had with Henrique Fisker over the artistic design of the Tesla, it was revealed that Musk wanted the Tesla to remind one of a penis (in fact it does) so that “other men would be jealous”.

Additionally, most big Democrats in Silicon Valley are homosexuals according to the Census and Stanford studies. The biggest number of pedo arrests have taken place in the last few years and most of those arrested were Democrats who were involved with underage boys. There is almost no Republican who would dare own a Tesla. Thus: 1.) Only rich Democrats drive Tesla’s. 2.) Most Tesla’s are almost only in Silicon Valley. 3.) Most rich Democrats in Silicon Valley are secret homosexuals. Therefore: An unusually large number of homosexuals drive Tesla penis-looking cars.

Elon Musk’s attack dogs were the homosexual empire of Gawker Media’s mentally unbalanced cock-holsters.

Detroit makes cars for middle class men. Elon Musk makes cars for gay-covert Stanford frat boys who want to secretly squeeze the throttle of the man next to them.

You have to be pretty driven to drive a car that blows up on it’s own and releases poison fumes from it’s batteries while being subject to hacks and brake failures and corruption. You have to be pretty driven to get a weenie shoved up your butt, too.

So, guys, don’t think that everybody doesn’t know that you are a sausage lover just because you have a Tesla. In fact, owning a Tesla is a sure sign that you want to take it up the tail-pipe.